Lately I finds two different currents running through my body, varying in ratio, intensity and velocity. Time speeds up, slows down. Temperature inconsistent with atmosphere. Positivity is suffocated by a hopelessness incongruous to my situation. Hopelessness is speared by a jolting idea from which my mind moves too quickly to complete. I’m not happy where I am. I’m not comfortable but it’s not a productive discomfort. As I search for jobs without luck I question whether I even want a job. And then I immediately stop. Each day that progresses I want a job less and less; I just want to leave again. Through the choice of the word leave I wonder if the true desire is to escape something, run away, protect myself from the lack of success here—or if leave is the simplest word in mind that signifies getting out…
Month: August 2012
explorer syndrome
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I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Austin staring out the window, watching an overweight woman dance at a bus stop across the street. She is probably mentally free. I came to Austin to take a break from searching for jobs in DFW. I like not really knowing my way around here; there’s something liberating about it. Not so much here as in other, larger cities I’ve been in, but there is a feeling of…