The story of how I found my rhythm, as told mostly in 15-minute increments. Note how it started out as a normal moderately anti-social evening but progressed into something beautiful, something special. Clubbing required me to travel lightweight (no camera) because when the music flows through your blood you can’t be weighed down…you can’t be restrained. The few photos I have were taken with my cellular. Edit: Françoise was a genius French guy we met; originally this was going to have more to do with him, hence the title which is now just misleading.

Act I: contemplation and decision

19:00 – Exhausted, ready to go to bed.
19:15 – Met new friend Scott.
19:30 – Friend Scott told me I should go clubbing with him and some friends since I mentioned networking has never been my strong point.
19:45 – Repeatedly declined invitation.

20:00 – Took brief nap to re-energize after getting stressed out thinking about loud music, crowds and females.
20:15 – Reconsidered invitation, knowing I need to push myself more. showered and got ready to go.
20:30 – Went downstairs with Andrew to meet Scott. Practiced NOT biting my fingernails.
20:45 – Took metro to Asok with Scott and Andrew to meet some other couchsurfers who wanted to go clubbing.

Act II: preparing to club

21:00 – Met Oggie (female human, from Mongolia) and Françoise and proceeded to walk to nearest 7-11 to mentally prepare ourselves for an extreme clubbing experience.
21:15 – Sat at food stand outside 7-11 and started pre-drinking (I had H20, a perfectly viable though non-traditional, warm-up drink).
21:30 – Made good jokes.
21:45 – Made good jokes.

22:00 – Pissed in an alley.
22:15 – Made good jokes.
22:30 – Valeria, another friend, met us outside the 7-11 and started talking about the pornographic paintings she had seen early in the day, describing them as “nice”.
22:45 – I switched drinks up to something a little more daring–bottled apple tea (tasted like shit but looked much cooler than carrying a water bottle around).

23:00 – Walked with Andrew to show him where my DIY bathroom was.
23:15 – Took taxi to Royal City Avenue (RCA), huge Bangkok clubbing street. Exited taxi, wondered what normal people felt like. Imagined at that moment I knew how turtles feel like when they retract into their shells.
23:30 – Walked around looking at different clubs, absorbing varying amounts of mega-bass and felt it bruising my internal organs.
23:45 – Imagined I was in a forcefield and an atomic bomb went off on Royal City Avenue, paving the way for silence, stillness…peace. Awakened from my daydream by some shitty dance song.

00:00 – Stumbled upon club with reasonable price/atmosphere, attempted to enter. Denied entry because member of our party was wearing sandals. Offender went to rent Converse shoes (appropriate club attire).
00:15 – Attemped to enter club for second time but the fee originally quoted wasn’t the fee for foreigners (foreigners had to pay around 4x more). Debated amongst ourselves.
00:30 – Decided we’d take taxi to club near where we originally were.
00:45 – Wondered whether or not this whole experience was comical.

Act III: actual clubbing…the finest hour

01:00 – Pulled up at an innocent-looking little club called Climax. Admired man for honorably being kicked out of club for being too drunk to stand up. 250 baht cover, one drink included.
01:15 – Laughed at sign that said “no lady boy service”.
01:30 – Walked in and accepted drink coupon (from a lady boy). Wondered if they served any sealed soft drinks at club, supposed I’d drink a Coke if the establishment had proper license to sell official Coca-Cola products.
01:31 – Felt awkward.
01:32 – Felt awkward.
01:33 – Felt awkward.
01:34 – Watched Oggie put lipstick on, wondered why you’d wear lipstick in virtual darkness. Laughed at her and asked her what she was doing.
01:35 – Watched Oggie put lipstick on me.
01:36 – Felt awkward.
01:37 – Felt awkward.
01:38 – Flirted with a girl*.
01:39 – Felt awkward.
01:40 – Practiced breathing deeply, attempted to feel the rhythm.
01:41 – Felt awkward.
01:42 – Felt awkward.
01:43 – Saw Scott dancing on platform with a girl who was definitely “not a prostitute” (his own words).
01:44 – Thought about how I always feel awkward.
01:45 – Knew in my heart that going out to hit some clubs was the right decision.

Act IV: closing

02:00 – Watched Thai band with three singers perform “Smells Like Teen Spirit” followed by a very cheery version of “Another Brick In the Wall”.
02:15 – Decided I was going to head home and get the rest I had hoped for since 19:00.
02:30 – Accosted by lady boy on my my way to get a taxi. Politely declined invitation to pay for sex.
02:45 – Found a taxi and secured it by entering before previous occupants exited. Stared at a trio of tiny fake potted flowers that swayed in perpetual motion on driver’s dashboard and exhaled for the first time in seven hours.

And there you have it folks. There are a few more shitty pictures below if you’re interested in wasting your time.

* = made that part up.