Albacete, Spain – 2007
While in Spain my brother and I, being perpetual outsiders, managed to fit right in with a tight-knit community of Bolivian immigrants. Due to the fact that I owned a piece of technology called a camera, I was unknowingly volunteered as the Godfather of Photography for our friend’s wedding.
When I found this out I was a bit irked. I don’t like weddings. I don’t like celebrating marriage. I don’t even like seeing two people happy together. Sickening, really.
Since you asked, here’s the top few reasons I dislike photographing weddings:
- I don’t believe in marriage and I don’t want to document an event that celebrates and reinforces such an antiquated tradition. I’d be happy to take pictures of your Joint Tax-Filing Status Celebration as long as we approach it in an artistic manner, with me in total control, and you glossing over the fact that I exist.
- I like photography because I like to take pictures…pictures of what I want. Simply acting as a person who owns a camera and can translate someone else’s idea into an image is entirely uninteresting to me. The people I’ve worked with have all wanted pictures taken, didn’t matter who took them. No personality or style, just sterile posed images.
- A wedding is (traditionally) a very planned event; people have expected reactions, places, etc…it’s a ceremony. Most ceremonies to me have always felt borderline inauthentic.
Anyway, my initial irritation soon faded as I realized these people didn’t actually care what I was taking pictures of, they really just wanted an excuse to invite more people to the party and have a good time. There was no anxiety or fear about missing required photo-ops; I was entirely unperturbed, able to walk around as a ghost. Most fun I’ve ever had at one of these horrid celebrations.
So…yeah…this gallery is about the captions, and even that’s a stretch. I’m working with very limited material but I wanted to do something with these photos, since I’m not sure if they ever actually got to the bride and groom anyway.
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- Observing some pre-wedding jitters in the street–or maybe I’m just projecting my own anxiousness onto this joyful moment in others’ lives. It’s happened once before in my life.
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- You just know when you find the one…absolutely no doubts about it.
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- An archetypal grandmother snuck in to congratulate and give unsolicited advice to the groom.
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- Him: Mama, this was so anticlimactic. Please clean my bedroom because I think I’ll be back home in a few days. Her: How on fucking earth…did I let this happen?
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- This is how I look when I walk after I make horrible life decisions too.
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- Looking over his should to the days of his bachelorhood. Though I imagine he looks wistfully and with regret, I myself loathe the fact that I will never to be able to experience this refined sense of sadness and self-reflection due to the fact that I am unlovable and despite not really looking, I cannot find a suitable mate.
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- The cold and rainy streets of marriage…I mean Albacete. Do not enter…
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- Yeah!! As Godfather of Photography we got backstage access to the limo ride…which was captained by the groom himself! The limo was a reverse-stretch two-door compact car designed specifically for marital (and general) discomfort.
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- Cuidado! I finally scored a tall chick who wear the glove antes de she touch me!
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- Table full of hotties that all wanted to dance with me…and “dance” with me…. Still regret not fucking the one in the middle who was blowing me kisses.
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- Older people get drunk too. And somehow…it’s almost endearing instead of annoying.
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- Happy monkey cuddles awkward Spanish Gumby. She was one of the cutest primates in the place.
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- Bailamos…let the rhythm take you over (THE THRESHOLD OF YOUR COMFORT LIMIT), bailamos.
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- Facial expression paradise.
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- Turns out if you mix Amstel with Fanta you still get a drink that tastes like shit, disproving the math idea that two negatives equal a positive.
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- These motherfucke*s know how to party. They pissed the night away while until I heard a cock explode vocally all over my throbbing ears at 05.00 hours.
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- More talented than the Beatles…and available for quinciñeras.
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- Friendly cook who obsesses over pastel color schemes holds dinner. Easter is her favorite season, but not because she’s Catholic.
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- Hi, we are a Yonni y Ana y ahorita somos happily casados. Te presento mi tia, Apathia. She’s very aqui to meet you.
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- Wishing world peace and victory on the newlyweds. Can’t be bothered to get up from our comfortable plastic chairs.
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- Too poor for a grill, our hosts just threw the meat on the ground. I didn’t really care if it burned or not, or about this picture, my shadow is only there because it was fucking cold outside.
