Rotterdam, The Netherlands – 2013
Trapped in a dark, cold and rainy place for New Year’s 2013, I decided to sleep through fireworks so I could wake up dreary and early to clean up the mess other creatures make in their celebratory behavior of another bleak year.
After stepping out of the house a bird shit on my head before I had even walked 10 meters. Thankfully I was wearing a hood because I like pretending to be the Grim Reaper. While I was looking for people to brutally murder I found nothing but empty streets and broken umbrellas. Yeah, I know…slightly disturbing, but my mental state had eroded so much that I didn’t give a flip. Anyway, here’s the result of too much alcohol and a lack of respect for the environment.
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- Cigarettes, beer and a broken umbrella. Don’t forget to litter all that shit in the street when you’re done!
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- Hope no one sees me…
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- Mechanical spider posing as a broken umbrella. Part of a performance art exhibition sponsored by local art school.
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- See-through with black rim…slut of the umbrella world. No wonder she got abused and ran over. Still looks hot though…
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- Baby blue, a color that has never looked good anywhere on anything.
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- One thousand dollars says a man over 60 owned this one.
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- This one reminds me of a protractor…that cute little math device you want to shove through someone’s head when they won’t stop talking.
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- Wounded umbrella imitating stingray in attempt avoid decimation by celebration.
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- Trapped in a new year… *blows party whistle*
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- Reverse cup holder…New Year’s style.
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- A gentleman’s New Year’s party perch. Classic and refined. A distinctly European style of partying.
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- European Union collapses…I mean, European Union umbrella collapses.
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- You aren’t partying hard enough if you’re still using trash cans.
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- Green umbrella made from environmentally-friendly non-recyclable waste. Will possibly biodegrade by the time it takes humans to become civilized.
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- Gray seems like an inappropriate color for something usually only necessary in extremely cheery weather conditions.
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- I hope I get recycled into the golfer’s jacket that I was before I was recycled into an umbrella.
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- Even dainty girls know how to throw down on New Year’s. Lift up your skirt, embarrass your parents and lose your umbrella for the first time.
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- We made out by the water and then smashed the umbrella her parents got us for our anniversary.
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- Bright colors and simple patterns compensate for my bleak outlook on life. I hide under a staircase because I’m scared of finding out I’m actually an ineffectual umbrella.
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- Tow your car, wreck your umbrella. Have a nice New Year.
