I started a post yesterday that was going to chronicle my troubled life consisting of breezy days on the patio drinking iced caramel macchiatos, blogging away on my new laptop…but I got sidetracked thinking about backpacks and selling all of my shit.

Certain conversation invariably comes up with friends about why we’re dissatisfied with our lives when we are so incredibly fortunate. I live with my parents and work about 30 or so hours a week. My only bills are a phone bill and car insurance; I have no real responsibilities or worries, and sometimes my mom even makes me breakfast. I have tons of free time to go out and take photos, roam around, take naps, eat out, whatever I want.

An argument could be made that part of my dissatisfaction probably comes from my living at home and feeling like I lack independence. I know this is a component. It’s hard to now be past my mid-twenties, working at Starbucks and living with my mom and dad. Working there is awesome–I get to work with my friends and joke with people all the time–but I feel like I should be further along. I feel like I am creative, intelligent and work hard but that I keep somehow missing a break.

After getting back from China I started at Starbucks again just to work and keep occupied while I searched for photo, graphic design, etc. jobs. For me, job searching is one of the most fucking depressing things in the world. It’s incredibly hard to be optimistic and realistic at the same time. Anyway, obviously nothing came of it. Not being in a horrible or even stressful financial position, I’ve become somewhat apathetic now and for the most part I’ve stopped even looking for other jobs. I will have spurts every so often but more and more I realize I don’t even want to be here in America anymore.

Another thing that frequently enters our discussions is the idea that none of us identify with the general way of life here. We don’t want families or houses and we don’t really care about new cars or TVs. Ultimately I believe materialism will become the norm in most places as they develop, but maybe being somewhere where it isn’t as prevalent or people aren’t as successful in accomplishing it yet will be refreshing. Basically we just like to wander around outside, be in nature and explore. As free-spirited and idealistic as this sounds, I don’t know how else to put it.

So I guess this has just been a bunch of rambling and I’m getting irritated just reading it over. This isn’t supposed to be complaining, more just a facetious semi-analysis of the situation. Maybe upon reading, those who don’t understand why I would want to leave will understand a bit more.

I feel like I’ve written this a thousand times before. Maybe I will start using bullet points; that could be more effective.

• don’t identify with culture / feel like outsider in own culture (might as well be somewhere where I am the outsider)
• lack of success here
• general desire to explore