You’ve probably heard that New Year’s parties are all about wild times. You know, grab your buddies, take an umbrella out and get fucking plastered. Yeehaw! Wanna party even harder?? Let the hellish weather of your cozy riverside hometown devour the mediocre craftsmanship of your righteous rain shield.
Walking around the city for a few hours today, it didn’t take me long to learn just how hard Rotterdam parties. These guys go big. Take a peek, get blown away.
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- Cigarettes, beer and a broken umbrella. Don’t forget to litter all that shit in the street when you’re done!
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- Tow your car, wreck your umbrella. Have a nice New Year.
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- Bright colors and simple patterns compensate for my bleak outlook on life. I hide under a staircase because I’m scared of finding out I’m actually an ineffectual umbrella.
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- We made out by the water and then smashed the umbrella her parents got us for our anniversary.
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- Even dainty girls know how to throw down on New Year’s. Lift up your skirt, embarrass your parents and lose your umbrella for the first time.
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- I hope I get recycled into the golfer’s jacket that I was before I was recycled into an umbrella.
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- Gray seems like an inappropriate color for something usually only necessary in extremely cheery weather conditions.
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- Green umbrella made from environmentally-friendly non-recyclable waste. Will possibly biodegrade by the time it takes humans to become civilized.
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- European Union collapses…I mean, European Union umbrella collapses.
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- Reverse cup holder…New Year’s style.
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- A gentleman’s New Year’s party perch. Classic and refined. A distinctly European style of partying.
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- Hope no one sees me…
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- Wounded umbrella imitating stingray in attempt avoid decimation by celebration.
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- Baby blue, a color that has never looked good anywhere on anything.
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- Mechanical spider posing as a broken umbrella. Part of a performance art exhibition sponsored by local art school.
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- One thousand dollars says a man over 60 owned this one.
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- See-through with black rim…slut of the umbrella world. No wonder she got abused and ran over. Still looks hot though…
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- Trapped in a new year… *blows party whistle*
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- This one reminds me of a protractor…that cute little math device you want to shove through someone’s head when they won’t stop talking.
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- You aren’t partying hard enough if you’re still using trash cans.
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed looking at the trash most of these people couldn’t bother disposing of properly. There was plenty more non-umbrella debris decorating the street but I’ll save that for later.
Feel free to share any good New Year’s stories in the comments; for example, if you got drunk and ended up in outer space or if you stayed at home and slept because you’re an introvert and the passage of time means nothing to you, those would be good stories. If you did something boring, like having a threesome or drinking champagne in a fancy restaurant with close friends and nice conversation about how 2012 was the best year of your life and 2013 looks promising too…don’t bother sharing.
As always, party hard.
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