Lately I finds two different currents running through my body, varying in ratio, intensity and velocity. Time speeds up, slows down. Temperature inconsistent with atmosphere. Positivity is suffocated by a hopelessness incongruous to my situation. Hopelessness is speared by a jolting idea from which my mind moves too quickly to complete. I’m not happy where I am. I’m not comfortable but it’s not a productive discomfort. As I search for jobs without luck I question whether I even want a job. And then I immediately stop. Each day that progresses I want a job less and less; I just want to leave again. Through the choice of the word leave I wonder if the true desire is to escape something, run away, protect myself from the lack of success here—or if leave is the simplest word in mind that signifies getting out…
Tag: exploration
luxury and misery
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I started a post yesterday that was going to chronicle my troubled life consisting of breezy days on the patio drinking iced caramel macchiatos, blogging away on my new laptop…but I got sidetracked thinking about backpacks and selling all of my shit. Certain conversation invariably comes up with friends about why we’re dissatisfied with our lives when we are so incredibly fortunate. I live with my parents and work about 30 or so hours a…
a peaceful reminder
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This morning I woke up feeling incredibly rested. I went to the bathroom and then walked back in my room with a calm presence over me, somewhat hyper-aware, admiring the way the carpet felt on my feet. Kind of in a surreal state where random thoughts just pop in your head, like “I’m so thankful my feet and legs work.” I laughed to myself and looked at the clock to see what time it was. It…