I was writing another post talking about 2014 and my time floating in and out of it, but I got interrupted by myself and started searching for jobs because my bank statements are telling me I need (at least) one of those.

I hate looking for jobs; it’s started to feel so demeaning lately. I went to college, graduated with Latin honors, am reliable, have social skills and am very creative yet somehow I’ve had trouble finding anything but shitty entry-level marketing or retail jobs. I feel ashamed reading many job advertisements, like I should have more credentials or at least know what the acronyms they ask for mean.

So I stop looking on Indeed and search craigslist in hope of something lighter. These ads there are sad on another level. Many sound like an elementary school teacher barking at a class about being on time, taking on a scolding, condescending tone…before even getting to the job’s content. This sort of treatment really makes people want to do their best for you.

I begin to feel nervous, can’t stop tapping my feet. Living at home and watching my bank account dwindle, seeing other people, even my friends, succeeding and being recognized for their hard work hurts even though it shouldn’t. I constantly feel like I’m sinking, becoming less and less. I’m happy by myself and recognize my own achievements…but I live in a world with other people, where money and relationships matter. I feel like I’ve been blacklisted, like I’m fucking invisible.

This didn’t really turn out as cohesive or humorous as I intended it to be. My eye won’t stop twitching.